Who is “me”? Who am “I”? Where is the person that I call
myself? I act like I know her but I don’t. I try to be there for everyone and
do everything and I have lost myself in the process. I will be there for
someone no matter how tired or burnt out I am, I will work myself into the dirt
if that means everyone around me will be okay. I try to make everyone happy,
which is impossible, but I try without even realizing that I am trying and
forget what makes me happy along the way. I trick myself into thinking this is
what I want but in reality, it isn’t. I push myself for everyone and end up
having mental breakdown one after the other, not even realizing that it is
because of what I am doing to myself. I forget what I deserve and how I shouldn’t
just be a door mat for people. I forget that at the end of the day I have to
live with my happiness and not everyone else’s. I make excuses for people who
treat me the way that they do because of the situations they are in but does
that mean I deserve to be treated like a door mat? It doesn’t. I do everything that
I can for others and have completely lost who I am. So, who is “me”? I love
with the biggest heart and give all I can for others but who else am I? I don’t
know, even while writing this I still do not know. I know what I am not, I am
not someone else’s door mat and I was not placed here on this earth to be one. I know God has given me a plan he wants me to
carry out and I know that plan is not pushing myself until I break. So, from
this day forward I have promised myself that I will do what makes me happy and take
what I deserve and nothing less. I will find “me” and I will be whoever “me” is.
What I have learned through all of this is that people will do only what they
want. If they want to fight for you, they will do whatever it takes to do so, if
they want to make you happy, they will do whatever it takes to make it happen
and if that person wants to leave, sadly they will no matter what. You cannot put
your happiness on someone else. You are in control of that. I will find “me”
and I will be “me”.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.. and it is! It's Christmas time! I am absolutely in love with this time of year. Everyone is in a great mood, people are decorating their homes with beautiful lights and everywhere you go things just look more festive! Not only is everything looking amazing, it's is super chilly outside so that means cozening up with a hot coco and some fuzzy socks watching Christmas movies till your heart's desire. My favorite Christmas movie has not changed in the past years and I do not believe it will change any time soon. What movie may that be you ask? Elf of course! Elf is an all around fun-loving, hilarious movie that gives you all the feels. I find myself singing along with Buddy and even wanting to try syrup with my spaghetti just because of how good this movie is. If you have not seen Elf, I strongly suggest making it one of your top choices during one of your Christmas movie marathons this year! Whats your favorite Christmas movie? Let me know, also Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Another off-topic post, these are starting to be more often. Although, don't worry, a Sims 4 City Living review will be coming very soon! These past couple of mouths though I have found myself stressing and very on edge. I never really understood why or what the reason for me being so unhappy was. It got to the point where I was starting to make myself sick. It didn't occur to me till just recently when I started talking about it and I just started crying. College and trying to figure out what to do for the rest of my life is very stressful, especially when everyone else around you knows what they wanna do and where they wanna go. I had an idea of what I wanted to do for a long time, but the college I wanted to go to didn't offer it and being able to get that degree would mean I would have to move away. That is really hard considering how close I am to my family and how they are basically my rock. So my second option I had the school I wanted to go to didn't offer it either, so that would mean I would have to transfer. But as I'm going through all these possibilities I realized that no matter what, I have plenty of time and plenty of possibilities to choose from, whether I go to one school for my two years of basics and than transfer over or I get into the other school that offers all these degrees, I have time and choices. I know I wanna go to school, I know what I wanna do and I know what I need to do to get it done, all its going to take is time and effort. There is no point in stressing over it because eventually everything will fall in place. Right now, I have no clue what the future has for me, only God does and what I think I wanna go in for might not be what I wanna do two years from now. I just have to take this college stuff day by day and see where it takes me.
It's fall! Fall time is probably one of my favorite times of year. The leaves are falling, its getting a little chilly outside and layering up clothes is starting to be more acceptable this time of year. From pumpkin carving to hot chocolate, everything about fall just makes you feel warm and cozy.
This weekend, my friends and I went to a pumpkin patch to pick pumpkins and take cute fall pictures. It was so much fun! We picnicked out there and just sat and enjoyed the cool air and nice outdoors. Nothing like fall than cuddling up outside and just enjoying the space around you.
From apple scented candles to pumpkin spice lattes, this fall will hopefully be a great one and I cannot wait to see where it takes us! Whats your favorite time of year? I would love to hear!
From apple scented candles to pumpkin spice lattes, this fall will hopefully be a great one and I cannot wait to see where it takes us! Whats your favorite time of year? I would love to hear!
It's hard to move on from someone you love. Especially when you think they might change for you. I had to learn this situation the hard way. I fell for this guy face first and I never have felt like this for anyone. It's been four years and I can still tell you how our first kiss felt. Athough this guy is not good for me. He has cheated one me, lied to my faced multiple amount of times and yet I still would take this guy back everytime he asked me too because I thought he would change for me. That's the thing though, people do not change, and nobody who claims to love you is going to hurt you. They don't want to purposely see you in pain and I feel like this guy got a kick out of messing with my heart for these past four years. He still comes to me now and tells me how he is going to change and how he messed up leaving me and blah blah blah. Although this time I see through his lies. I don't give him the time of day anymore. I forgive him for what he has done to me but I won't go back so he can do it to me again.So how do you get over someone you love you ask? I don't think you ever really do. To this day I still love this guy, but guess what, I love myself more to not put myself back in that dark place again. I don't wanna be lied to and cheated on again and again. It's not fun. I also know that there is someone out there for me that isn't going to do what he did to me. That will most definitely put me first and will do anything just to see me smile. I just have to know that I am worth more than that past relationship and so are you, you might be reading this and is going through something very similar, it gets better, don't go back, because you are beautiful and strong and you don't need anyone to put you down like that. It like a mountain, sometimes you miss and step and you stumble and little, but you have to grab hold of the rock and keep climbing till you get to the top. Maybe I am writing this more for myself than I am for you, just to remind me that I don't deserve that and no matter how many times he tells me I am beautiful and that he messed up and that he is going to change, I know he isn't. I know I need to keep my head up and look forward because I and you deserve better.
